Learning to Live Without
by MKP
Summary: Cassie has issues. --Set after Heroes. Right now it's not S/J. Mention of Pete. Um...have ideas in my head that might turn it into S/J so who knows.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Learning To Live Without

Author: MKP

Summary: Cassie has some issues

Spoilers: Heroes

Rating/Warnings: PG-17. Some swearing. Nothing major. Janet is dead (I always did like Janet and hey it's sci-fi…) . As of what I have right now, it's not S/J, but maybe…who knows.

A/N: This is well and truly a WIP. I think Cassie was a little older than 17 in the show during Heroes but the age works here. I love feedback and criticism doesn't bother me since it will help me write better. This is my first story so anything would be great. I'm not totally sure the characters are in 'character' but I wanted to fool around with Cassie since the show did nothing towards that story line. Besides stress and grief can do wierd things to people. Enjoy!

1

"Come on Cass! It's time to get going." Samantha Carter yelled up the stairs to the 17 year old.

A sigh escaped her lips when she didn't get a response. She didn't have time for this. She had a briefing in 40 minutes and still had to drop Cassie off at school.

"Cassandra!"

"I'm coming!" the teen yelled back with an attitude that Sam has gotten accustomed to over the last two months.

Sam watched as Cassie walked down the stairs, her whole demeanor screaming rebellion.

"Where's your book bag?"

"I need breakfast."

"You don't have time. School starts in 15 minutes and I need to get to work."

"You can go do your important job of saving the world, Sam. I'm old enough to get to school on my own." Cassie replied, while grabbing a bowl, cereal and the milk.

"If you're late once more you'll get another detention,"

"I'm scared." the teen replied, sarcasm dripping from her voice.

"Cass, this is serious."

She watched as Cassie poured the cereal and the milk. Sam silently counted to ten and let out a slow breath. "Listen Cassie, I know it's only been a couple of months, but things will get better. You can't throw away your future." When the only thing that greeted her was silence, Sam was at a loss. "You want to do this your way, fine. Try not to be late to school and go to General O'Neill's house afterwards. I'll be home tomorrow."

"Whatever." Cassie mumbled as she took another bite of her cereal.

Sam bit her tongue. She knew this was part of the healing process. She went through this with her father, although not as bad. The last two months have been hell trying to get into a routine that Cassie refused to follow.

"I'm serious, Cassie. Don't be late."

Sam grabbed her purse and headed out the door, leaving the 17 year old to make to ten minute walk to the school in a little over 12 minutes.

TBC...

Well, what do ya think?


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks so much for the reviews. I semi know where I want this story to go. Updates will probably be once a week because life is hectic. Thanks to those of you who put out ideas and letting me know you liked it.

MKP

_Previously:_

_She watched as Cassie poured the cereal and_ _the milk. Sam silently counted to ten and let out a slow breath. "Listen Cassie, I know it's only been a couple of months, but things will get better. You can't throw away your future." When the only thing that greeted her was silence, Sam was at a loss. "You want to do this your way, fine. Try not to be late to school and go to General O'Neill's house afterwards. I'll be home tomorrow."_

_"Whatever." Cassie mumbled as she took another bite of her cereal._

_Sam bit her tongue. She knew this was part of the healing process. She went through this with her father, although not as bad. The last two months have been hell trying to get into a routine that Cassie refused to follow._

_"I'm serious, Cassie. Don't be late."_

_Sam grabbed her purse and headed out the door, leaving the 17 year old to make to ten minute walk to the school in a little over 12 minutes._

**PART 2**

"Carter, nice of you to join us." General Jack O'Neill said as she walked into the briefing room twenty minutes late.

"Sorry sir. I ran into a little difficulty this morning." Sam replied, looking at the table. She wouldn't tell him about the problems with Cassie. She couldn't really since the teen was an angel while with him and it was her situation to deal with. Hers and hers alone. Besides the fact that they hadn't been on casual speaking terms since Pete entered her life.

Pete.

Another situation that was slowly getting out of control.

It seemed her whole life these days was out of control and she had no way of getting it back. Slowly but surely she was loosing grasp on how to handle everything going on in her life and today was one of the days she just wanted to run away from it all and never look back.

"Yes, well, let's just get this underway so you can get there and back home." he replied.

"Yes, sir." she said, the words tumbling out of her mouth.

Soon into the briefing and Sam was finally feeling like she was able to relax and focus all her attention on the known facts of her upcoming mission.

"Um…excuse me sir?" An Airman stood in the doorway of the briefing room, looking like he wanted to be anywhere else.

"What is it?" the General asked, gruffly wanting to get this briefing over with and hating the intrusion.

"There's a telephone call for Colonel Carter on line two."

"Carter?" he asked, shifting his eyes towards her and raising his brows.

"I don't know, sir." she replied. 'Yep' she thought 'Out of my control.'

"Hurry up."

Sam made her way over towards the phone, wondering who it could be. Not a lot of people had her work phone number. Scientists at Area 51, but they usually called her extension and left a message if she didn't answer.

"Carter." she said into the handset.

"Yes, Colonel Carter, this is Miss. Ingram from the high school. Cassandra Fraiser hasn't come in yet and we were wondering if you just forgot to call her in sick."

"Damn it." she muttered, knowing that she should have waited for Cassie to finish eating then drive her to school. She should have called the General and told her Cassie and herself were running late. He would have understood. She felt tears prick the back of her eyes and blinked rapidly. She was failing at this and didn't know what to do.

"Colonel Carter?" the secretary's voice intruded her thoughts.

"Yes, um…no she was supposed to be in school today."

"Okay, well since it's an unexcused absence I will have to let the principle handle this. Especially since it's not her first."

"Okay. I understand. I'll um… I'll see if she's at home and I'll bring her right in."

"You understand that it won't lessen her punishment any. She has to be here on time. I know she's suffered a terrible loss, but we have already given her as much leeway as possible. I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay. I think she might need it. I'm going to run home and see if she's there. She will definitely be in tomorrow."

"Alright. Have a good day."

"You too." Sam said, then slowly hung up the phone.

She winced when she heard the General's voice. "Any day now Carter."

Sam hated to add to his bad mood, but this had to be done. She turned around and stared right over his shoulder to avoid his cold eyes. "Sir-" she hesitated, "Permission to postpone the mission."

"Postpone?"

"Yes sir." Sam replied, finding her backbone. "There's been an incident with Cassie and the school. I need to go take care of it."

"Alright, you go. Daniel you stay here and I'll get SG-5 down here to debrief them."

"Sir, that's not necessary."

"Carter, go take care of it. SG-5 can handle this."

"With all due respect, sir, I've been working on this for weeks now. SG-5-"

"Will do perfectly fine after they've been briefed. Dismissed."

That's it? Weeks of preparation for a mission just to have it taken from her. Weeks of collecting data, analyzing data all for nothing?

"General-"

"Dismissed Carter."

Sam's back went straight. "Yes, sir." she replied then turned to leave the briefing room.

TBC....

Hoped you liked it. Let me know!


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for the reviews. I wasn't really sure how this story would be handled. Unfortunately the updates may be far apart because right now I am concentrating on finishing the semester, oh and my laptop crashed so I'm kind of dependent on the schools computers right now. Thanks for sticking it out with me and I would love to know others views on where the story should go. Although I have a small outline, I'm up for suggestions! I used a line from a movie that I like. Didn't have permission, but this scene was screaming. "USE ME!!!"

PART 3

Quickly stopping to get her coat and purse she made her way towards the surface. Half of her cursing the situation, the other half cursing Cassie. Driving to her house she kept telling herself she was going to stay calm and try to help Cassie with her problems. She only hoped Cassie would let her help since Cassie seemed not to want any help.

Pulling into the driveway, Sam stayed in her car for a couple minutes. After some deep breaths and wondering how people did this on a daily basis, she was ready. "Time to do this." she muttered.

Inside the house she was met with silence.

"Cassie!" Sam yelled as she went upstairs to the teens room. "Cassandra!"

"What?!" Cassie appeared in the doorway of her bedroom.

"I see you made it to school on time."

"I didn't feel like going." the teen replied with a shrug.

"It's not optional." Sam replied, automatically. "Grab your book bag. I'm taking you to school."

"I don't want to go."

"You don't have a choice."

"This is crap! I think I'm old enough to make my own decisions."

"And when they're responsible ones then you can." Sam replied, feeling herself getting frustrated. 'Can't she do one thing without a fight?' she thought.

Cassie walked into her bedroom and Sam had to once again count to ten. This was all becoming too much for her. Months of dealing with Cassie's attitude while the teen was fine with everyone else. Sam was truly at a loss.

Realizing it didn't take this long to get a book bag, Sam went into the room and seen Cassie was still ranting.

"I would have made it to school. I just didn't want to go to gym. I knew the consequences. I'm not-"

Sam cut into her rant, not wanting to hear anymore excuses, "Let's go Cassie. I need to get back to the mountain."

This set Cassie off on another tangent, "Yes, your precious work. Don't let me stop you Sam. It's only a ten minute walk."

"We tried that one earlier and it didn't work. Let's go." Sam replied, officially loosing her patience.

Cassie froze and sat down on the bed. "I'm not going."

"Yes you are."

"I'm not a cadet you can order around. I won't automatically jump whenever you say so."

"You're going to school Cassandra."

"I'm not!" the teen yelled, now also frustrated.

"Get your book bag and get to the car."

"You don't have any right on what to tell me to do." Cassie was still yelling, "I don't have to even listen to you. You're not my mother!"

"Thank God for that!" Sam yelled back without letting her filter work.

Both stood frozen on the spot. Sam knowing there were numerous ways to take the comment and the highly emotional teen would take it the worst way, tried to back peddle. "Cassie-"

But the teen cut her off, looking at Sam with eyes that conveyed the message even with out the words, "I HATE YOU!" Cassie yelled, then stormed from the room.

"I'll add you to the growing list." Sam said quietly, then left the room to search for Cassie.

'Yep.' she thought, tears coming once again that she blinked away. 'Totally out of my control.'

TBC......


	4. Chapter 4

Okay, well first I have to stay that Black Friday rocks! I stood in line for 12 hours for this brand new spankin' laptop for 1/2 price and was relieved to actually get one. So here is the 4th chapter. Not my best work, I think, but it's slowly making progress to where I want this to go. Please leave a review and let me know what you thought. Just for this chapter if possible and I will never ask for another review. Enjoy!

PART 4

Surprisingly, Cassie went to the car, without her book bag, but Sam wasn't going to complain at this point.

They made the short trip to the school in a tense silence. Since Sam had to go into the school to sign Cassie in, she parked in the first available spot and they slowly walked through the lot.

"Come right home after school."

"I'm supposed to go to Jack's."

"He gave my mission to SG-5."

It looked like Cassie wanted to say something, but kept her mouth shut and her face was once again neutral.

"We need to talk about this, Cass." Sam said, grabbing her arm and making Cassie stop.

The teen immediately yanked her arm free, "There's nothing to talk about." Cassie started walking again, "I'm going to Jack's tonight."

Sam just stood in the parking lot for a moment. "I give up." She muttered. If Cassie wanted to play the game like this, then fine. Sam wasn't going to worry about Cassie's grades or anything else for that matter since Cassie herself obviously wasn't. Sam was at the point of washing her hands of the teen, but years ago Sam agreed to this arrangement thinking that nothing could happen to Janet.

That wasn't the case though. One rescue mission turned into a full blown battle with a group of Jaffa and Janet got hit. Like many times that Sam's mind went to that day, guilt quickly followed. A number of things that should have happened differently that day. She should have went with Janet to provide cover instead of just Daniel. Guilt that she wasn't there with her friend in the end and guilt that she was relieved Jack had made it out alive.

Sam started walking again noticing Cassie was almost at the door. Cassie just finished signing in when Sam entered the office. She was going to attempt to talk to Cassie one last time, but the principle came out of one of the side rooms.

"Ms, Fraiser, come with me."

Cassie brushed by her. "Cassie," Sam said and with attitude Cassie turned around to face her. "I'll let General O'Neill know that you'll still be by tonight."

Something flashed across Cassie's face and although Sam didn't get a 'thank you' she didn't get an attitude either for which she was grateful.

TBC...

Okay with finals in less than 2 weeks, I'm going to have to take a break. Next chapter is in my head I just don't have time to type it up, which is why it's almost midnight and I'm posting this now. I do know that Jack has more of a role next chapter - no ship - at least not yet. Sam takes a different approach towards her life and you'll get to see inside Cassie's head a little bit.


	5. Chapter 5

Okay, well I have one final left tomorrow so I thought I would give this today and hopefully I can finish chapter 6 and have it up late tomorrow night. Ya'll asked for a longer chapter and here one is. I just couldn't figure out a good place to end and my muse just kept writing and writing. Don't expect too many long ones, this is just a treat. Feedback would be great if you have the extra minute to do so. Since this is my first story I'm still kind of weary if the characters are well... in character. To those of you who noticed the HUGE typo in ch. 4 well it's fixed now. It took out a whole chunk of words, but I fixed it up. Enjoy!

PART 5

Arriving back at the mountain, Sam went straight to her lab, not wanting to deal with talking to anyone right now, especially General O'Neill. Besides he adored Cassie and wouldn't mind taking her for the original planned days that she was supposed to be off-world.

Although 17, Cassie wanted to stay with Jack while Sam went on missions. She wasn't used to being left alone for days at a time and in Sam's house – a house that it seemed the teen didn't actually want to live in.

As her computer booted up, she looked at her watch.

12:35.

Anger simmered within her. 20 minutes ago, SG-5 would have left on her mission and her work that occupied the last three weeks of her life. He couldn't have just postponed it. It wouldn't have been the first mission it happened to. General Hammond did it all the time. What difference did 30 minutes to an hour make?

Sam typed in her password hoping her work would calm her down. She wanted nothing more than to forget everything except the equations in front of her for a while.

Like the last two months of her life, fate was against her. Less than thirty minutes later, Daniel showed up.

"Sam." Daniel said, making his presence known.

"Daniel." She replied, hoping her tone conveyed that she didn't want to talk.

"How's Cassie?"

"She's fine. She just didn't want to go to first period."

"Is everything going okay? We've been busy and I feel as though I haven't really been there."

"Everything's fine." Sam automatically responded.

"Well, I just wanted you to know that you're not alone." After a breath Daniel continued, "I'll let you get back to work."

Once Daniel left her lab, Sam stopped working thinking about his words.

'Not alone? That's all I've been for the last two months. Alone to be a guardian to a 17 year old that wants nothing to do with me.'

Sam shook her head wanting to get away from this train of thought. She didn't want to think about this at work.

Work has been her safe haven. The constant place she could run to and forget the turmoil in her personal life.

She needed to change something. Change her approach on how to deal with Cassie.

Giving up wasn't an option. She promised Janet and even if that promise was the only thing she could do then so be it.

She would be there for Cassandra no matter how difficult the teen made it.

****

Paperwork.

He hated it.

No, he despised it.

It felt like he was getting too old for this. Sending his men and women to unknown planets to get hurt, wounded and shot.

Jack put down his pen and tried to rub the tiredness away. Part of him was glad that whatever happened with Cassie did. He hated sending his old team out there without him. Granted Carter probably hated him right now for taking away her mission, but he was prepared to live with that.

A knock on his door brought him out of his reverie.

"Carter, come in. What can I do for you?"

"Cassie still wants to come over you house for the couple days."

"Sure, of course. She's always welcomed." Jack replied, happy he didn't have to go home to an empty house.

Cassie was like a daughter to him and she always brightened up whatever room she was in.

Jack took a long hard look at Carter standing across from him.

She looked tired.

No, she looked exhausted.

"Thank you, sir."

She also sounded exhausted.

"Is everything alright, Carter?"

"Everything is fine, sir." She replied, and then winced. It was starting to sound like a line even in her own ears.

"You sure? If you need anything, you know we're here for you, right?"

For a second he thought he seen anger in her eyes and was confused.

"I know, sir." She waited a beat, "If there's nothing else, I have some work to do."

"Of course." He said. She was at the door when he continued, "Carter, I'm sorry about the mission."

This time he was sure he seen anger in her eyes, which was understandable.

"With all due respect sir, would have postponing it for an hour result in the end the world?"

He raised an eyebrow at her wording, "With our line of work Carter, it just might have."

She didn't crack a smile.

"Next time I'll take it under advisement." He relented.

"Thank you, sir. If that's all?"

"Sure, dismissed."

Jack watched her leave. He needed to talk to Cassie this evening, see if she knew what was wrong with Carter. He understood her anger about the mission since it was justified, but her anger towards his other comment confused him.

Sure, he pulled away some once he found out about Pete, but that was a necessary form of survival. He wanted her to be happy, but that didn't mean he had to take a front row seat.

He would talk to Cassie tonight and see what was going on that was making Carter exhausted. Heaven help him because he knew that if another one of her missions was grounded or given away, he would have a hot Lt. Colonel on his hands for sure.

TBC....

Let me know what you thought!


	6. Chapter 6

I'm so sorry for the long delay. Life and the holidays were pretty busy and I just couldn't find the time to finish writing pt 6. Then when I did, I didn't like the way it turned out. So I've spent the last 2 weeks re-writing it. This is the 3rd one and although it isn't what I wanted it to turn out like, it's what I'm posting because I want to move ahead with this story. On another note, I did put together a small trailer for this story. It's not much and it was pretty hard to make considering older Cassie was only in one episode, but it kinda works. If you leave a review, watch the 2 min trailer if you would please and review on both! http:// mkpj . webs . com / learningtolivewithout .htm (just get rid of the spaces)

**PART 6**

Cassie and Tim got out of his car and they slowly made their way to Jack's front door.

"Don't you think you're being a little too hard on her?"

"You wouldn't understand."

"Listen, I know you're going through a tough loss, it was your mother, but she died saving someone else's life."

"So I should be happy that the baby girl has a father while the second mother I had was killed. He'll probably be back on active duty in a couple months. Probably be killed anyway and then my mom would have died for nothing." Cassie said, getting angry. Tim grabbed her hand to stop her.

"She died doing what she loved to do."

"It was preventable!"

"You don't know that." Tim replied, keeping his voice calm.

"They could have had more cover. They were in the middle of a damn firefight." Cassie said still angry, but now with tears in her eyes.

"You need to let it go, Cass. It's going to eat at you until nothing but anger is left. That's not fair to you or Sam. It's not how your mom would want it to be."

"I can't." Cassie said back, with tears running down her cheeks. After a moment she continued, "No one seems to be missing her. If I don't keep remembering then what will be left?"

Tim cleared the tears from her cheeks, "Your memories of her, the ones that are in your head and your heart. The ones no one can take away. Keeping the anger will eventually destroy the memories, you and everyone else."

Cassie didn't say anything and after a moment cleared her throat and wiped her cheeks, "I need to go. I'll see you tomorrow."

Tim leaned down and gave her a quick kiss. "I love you."

"Love you too."

"Give it time, Cass. It'll all work out." Tim gave her one final hug then made his way back to the car, waving to Cassie before driving off.

Cassie stood on Jack's porch. She felt alone. More alone then she ever felt. She couldn't understand how everyone could just move past her mother's death so quickly. Her mother was best friends with all of them, especially Sam and they're just carrying on like nothing happened and they didn't just lose a part of their family. Then Sam still goes on dangerous missions leaving her behind not realizing that if anything happened to Sam, she didn't have another female adult around. Then at times it seemed like Sam didn't want her there to begin with.

Cassie knows she herself isn't perfect and she knows she really isn't being easy or far on Sam, but she can't help how she feels and every time she sees Sam she becomes angry. Angry that she would just leave every week to unknown parts of the galaxy and not caring about consequences and angry that for being her moms best friend, she moved on pretty quickly and hardly shed any tears. Not really logical, but feelings rarely were.

Cassie stood on the porch for a couple more minutes before heading inside to wait for Jack to get home.

*****

Jack entered his house to find Cassie sitting on his couch staring out into space.

"Hey Cass."

"Jack." She responded quietly.

"Just let me change then I'll whip up some dinner."

"Sure."

Jack walked to his room a little apprehensive about having this conversation with Cassie. She seemed like she was in a solemn mood. One emotional female was enough, but two? It sent a shiver down his spine.

He had to do this though. Cassie's mood just reinforced it. Maybe he could figure out what was wrong with Cassie and Carter at the same time. Changing into a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, he made his way back downstairs.

"So." He said, starting conversation, "Everything okay at school?"

"Huh?"

"School. This morning." He clarified. "Carter had to leave."

"Nothing happened. I just didn't feel like going to gym so I was going in late. No big deal." She replied with a shrug. "Why isn't Sam on her mission?"

Damn. He should've realized Cassie would be asking questions back. He winced, how to explain this without it sounding like Cassie's fault.

"She lost the mission because she had to take care of me, right?"

"It's more complicated than that. When you're working for the government, things are on a schedule and you're anticipated to adhere to that. The joint chiefs knew the importance of this mission. If I scrubbed it, questions would have been asked."

"You could've postponed it." Cassie mumbled.

"Why is this bothering you, Cass?"

Her back went rigid and her mouth shut closed.

"So, what do you want for dinner?"

"Pizza."

Jack nodded and went to order their normal pizza. He came back and the two sat in silence. Finally Cassie spoke.

"I hate her." She said softly.

Too stunned to say anything, Jack just sat there.

"The bad thing is, I can't really say why. It's just how I feel."

"Cass-"

"Actually I can say why. She let my mom die. Sam should have covered her. They had no one covering her in the middle of a firefight!"

"The area was as secure as it was going to get."

"It wasn't secure enough, was it? My mom was a doctor, not a field officer. She should have had more cover and where was Sam? Then she walks around like her best friend hasn't just died! Like everything is perfectly normal!"

By now Cassie was in tears. Tears for her mother, and tears because of the situation.

Jack didn't know what to say. Cassie seemed fine these last two months. How was she able to keep all these feelings locked so deep while she was constantly around Carter? Unless…

"How are things at home, Cass?"

Cassie stayed quiet, head still down.

"Have to spoken to Carter about any of this?"

A small shake of her head told him no.

"Nothing will get better if you keep it bottled inside. Think about it for the next few days and figure out what to say to her. When you go home you need to talk to her about this."

Cassie finally looked at him, serious expression on her face. "That's not my home. Sam doesn't want me there and I don't want to go back."

"Cassie, Carter-"

But she cut him off, "What? Loves me?" she asked, knowing that's what he was going to say. He used the same voice years ago reassuring her when Sam was a Tok'ra. "She might, but she doesn't want me there."

Surprised swept through Jack. "She said that?"

"In a roundabout way. Can I stay with you, Jack. You don't go off-world anymore and you're pretty much home every night. Please?"

"Listen, dinner will be here shortly then we'll go talk to Carter. If she agrees you can stay with me for three weeks. In that time you will still talk to Carter and get everything sorted out. This isn't the type of thing you can ignore."

Cassie quickly agreed even with the conditions on talking to Sam. She needed space from Sam and this was the way.

***

Dinner eaten, they got into Jack's truck and made the short drive to Sam's house.

Parked in front of t he house, Jack looked over at a nervous Cassie.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked, needed to make sure, knowing this wasn't something that could be taken back once spoken. Heaven only knew how Carter was going to feel with him coming in and saying Cassie wanted to live with him.

"I'm sure. This is for the best." Cassie replied, quietly.

They silently got out of the truck and headed up the path to the front door.

Jack rang the doorbell refusing to just walk in like Cassie was going to do.

It wasn't long before the door swung open and she looked back and for between the two and asked the one question that Jack knew would be hard to answer.

"What's going on?"

TBC...


	7. Chapter 7

Sam just sat there. Shocked. Of course she knew there were problems. They were obvious, maybe even to the outsider since Jack was sitting here telling her this.

"What?" she asked, dumbfounded.

"This isn't working, Sam. You know it. I know it. Why should we keep putting up a front like everything is okay?"

Sam stayed still. This seemed to fit her life right now. Right when she decided to change how she has been handling Cassie, this gets thrown at her.

Frustration rippled through her, "Janet-"

Cassie cut her off, "Would want me to be happy. I'm not happy here."

"You haven't even tried! You walked into this house with an attitude! Only this house! With everyone else you're a perfect little angel, isn't that right, General?" All the emotions Sam bottled up over the last months came spilling out. "And you," she swung her gaze towards the Jack, "You just happily accept her. Don't ask any questions? Don't care about the hell that she's made this?"

Cassie jumped to her feet. "Hell? You want to know hell, Sam? How about when I came home after school to find your boyfriend here? The fact that he doesn't like me never stopped you from having him here. Making me feel like the third wheel. Making me feel like this wasn't my home."

"That's what this is about? Because for once you weren't the center of attention?"

Jack looked between the two. He knew they needed to talk about this, but they needed to do so when they were both calm, not spoken ot of anger.

"Listen, why don't you both calm down." He was immediately pierced with two glares. "I know you guys need to talk about this, but shouting stuff out of anger isn't going to help."

He watched as Carter seemed to reign in some of her anger, but Cassie still looked ready to kill.

"You think I'm acting this way because I'm not getting every minute of your spare time? I don't need every minute, but 5 would be nice! God, you go to work, come home late and some days not at all. Leave me alone for days at a time going on missions not thinking about what would happen to me if something happens to you! Then you walk around acting like you're perfectly fine, like your best friend hadn't just died!"

Sam stayed perfectly still. She stared at Cassie. Everything that seemed to be bugging her was finally coming out. She softened her voice, knowing now that she had to change more than just her attitude to fix this. "Cassie listen-"

"No! Don't you get it? I hate living here and I hate you!"

Jack intervened then, "Cassie calm down. You don't want to say anything you'll regret."

"Why?" Sam asked. "Why do you hate me? Because I'm not here to hold your hand all the time? Because-"

"Because you let her die!"

"Okay Cassie, that's enough." Jack ordered when he heard Sam's quick intake of breath and seen her go pale.

"You should have been with her!"

"Cassie-" Jack tried, but she just spoke louder.

"You should have been covering her! Where the hell were you? You weren't there for her when she needed you the most!"

"Cassie go get your stuff." Jack said when he seen Sam's eyes getting watery. Once she left he turned fully to Sam. "Carter, I'm sorry. She came to me-"

"No, it's um-" she cleared her throat, "It's okay. I knew she was keeping things bottled up, but she wouldn't talk. Can you um... can you just make sure that the door is locked after you leave. I'm going to go for a drive, clear my head."

Sam went to walk by him, but he stopped her with a hand on her arm.

"Sam-" he said, softly.

"It's fine. I'm fine. Just the things she said..." Sam trailed off.

"Were mean, especially since she doesn't have all the details."

"No, not really. I couldn't help but think that the things she said is exactly what I've been thinking to myself for the last two months."

Sam slipped free from his grasp and left the house, leaving him standing in the middle of her living room, still shocked from her confession.

TBC...


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry for the long delay. RL sucks at the moment. So hopefully I haven't lost any readers and for those still following, you get chapter's 8 and 9!!! Also chapter 10 just needs to be typed up, but it's late and I have to get up early for work in the morning, so hopefully I will have that up in the next couple days... Enjoy!!**

**Oh and all mistakes are mine since I don't have a beta.**

**PART 8**

Sam drove with tears clouding her vision. She drove for 20 minutes before her brain caught up with her and she realized she needed somewhere to go. Somewhere to escape. She pulled out her cell and dialed the familiar number.

Five rings later, the voice answered, "Shanahan."

"It's me."

"Sam! Hey, I was just going to call you. We broke the case I've been working on and the Captain gave us the weekend off. I was going to come to the springs if it's alright."

"Actually, I was hoping to come to Denver."

"Really? Great! Do you remember how to get here?"

"Yep. I should be there in about an hour."

"Great. See you then!"

"Bye." Sam hung up and she calmed herself down. She was doing nothing wrong. Just spending the weekend with her boyfriend. She let all the problems with Cassie and everything concerning Colorado Springs stay there. She would enjoy herself this weekend. She was determined.

********

Twenty-five minutes later, Cassie finished loading her things in Jack's truck. He made sure the house was locked up, then the pair headed back to his house.

"You shouldn't have said that." Jack said.

Cassie stayed silent.

"Those are words you won't be able to take back."

"Who said I wanted to take them back?"

"One day you will."

He watched from the corner of his eye as she folded her arms over her chest.

"Did Carter even explain to you how it happened?" Jack asked, wondering how many details Cassie had been told.

"I didn't want to know." Cassie replied, quietly.

Jack thought about that, "Did you not want to know because it's easier to blame someone without all the facts?"

When no reply came, he continued, "If you're going to blame anyone, blame me. It was my choice to have Carter on the front line and Daniel with your mom. It was the only logical thing to do. As good as Daniel has gotten over the years, he's not trained for that kind of firefight."

He let it drop until he pulled into the driveway knowing he had to say this before Cassie dismissed this conversation. "After you went upstairs, Carter admitted something. She said that she thought the same thing. For the last two months she's been hating herself, blaming herself for Janet's death. All without voicing any of her thoughts."

"Why is she just going on as if everything is normal?" Cassie whispered, confused.

"She's being strong for you. Being there for you and being your anchor if you needed it. It's who she is." Jack replied with a shrug.

"She didn't need to be! Maybe I just wanted to mourn my mom with her. Sit there and remember the good times, but I never knew how to bring it up. She went on like life was normal. Like she wasn't hurting."

Jack finally realized how much miscommunication went on between the two. He decided to give Cassie a little background on Carter.

"After her mom died she followed what Jacob did and didn't show emotion. She worked hard through the rest of school and went into the Air Force where it reinforced that." Cassie just stared straight ahead. "Cass, listen, as long as I've known Carter, I've only seen her break down a handful of times. The last time she broke down was when your mom died. Carter is devastated Cass. She is feeling everything you are, she's just handling it in a different way."

Jack watched as Cassie digested the information and knew when what she did finally hit her.

"I have to call her." Cassie said, reaching for the door handle.

"Not yet." Jack replied, stopping her exit from the truck.

"What?"

"You both said some harsh things. You both need time to cool off. You need to be sincere. That means that if you go back to Carter's house, you can't pull the same stuff." Jack paused for a minute knowing he had to have Cassie think from Carter's view. "I know it's been hard for you to adjust living in Carter's house, but don't forget she's had adjustments also. She's responsible for you now. She has you permanently in her house now. It's a big change from single."

Cassie's gut tightened when she realized she hadn't made it easy on Sam.

"Will she forgive me?"

"Of course she will." Jack replied and watch Cassie grab a couple of her things and go into the house.

He got out of his truck and also grabbed some of her things. He had to stay positive for Cassie. He knows that Carter would forgive Cass, but he also knows that the words spoken to day would forever be there between them.

**TBC...**


	9. Chapter 9

**PART 9**

Sam entered her house after a relaxing weekend in Denver. For a second she stopped.

No music blaring.

No yelling.

She momentarily felt guilty for liking it. She did promised Janet she would take care of Cassie and was royally messing it up.

She walked into the kitchen and seen she had messages on her machine. She knew they were from Cassie and General O'Neill. They had been trying to reach her all weekend asking her to call back. She ignored them since she didn't have the energy to fight anymore.

Sam didn't play the messages and she knew she would have to face General O'Neill at work tomorrow, but she just wanted to finish the last few hours of her weekend in peace.

She took her overnight bag and went to her room to put the dirty laundry in the hamper when she walked passed Cassie's room. She stepped inside and dropped her bag. The room was bare. The few poster's Cassie had on the walls were now gone. The drawers left open and emptied, a sign that Cassie couldn't wait to get out fast enough. Emotion overtook Sam and she slipped down the wall and sat on the floor.

She failed.

The one promise she made her best friend and she couldn't keep it.

She was a failure.

All she had to do was keep an eye on a 17 year old, help her mature and make sure she made it through college and through life and Sam messed it up.

What happened to the cute little girl they found on Hanka?

Sam understood that Janet's death hit Cassie hard. It hit them all hard. It was fast and unexpected. No time to say goodbye, but Sam didn't have a clue on how to help her if Cassie didn't let her in. She brought her knees up and laid her head on them, letting the tears fall.

Sam couldn't do this. It hurt too much. To go to work everyday and work with General O'Neill, all the while knowing that Cassie picked him over her and not knowing the reason behind it

Cassie's words from Friday came back to her. 'Of course Cassie wants to stay with General O'Neill,' Sam thought, 'I killed her mother.'

"And I did." Sam whispered to the empty room.

The relaxing weekend was now gone and Sam felt alone. More alone that she had ever felt and the ironic thing was the one person she would've been talking to about it wasn't here. Wouldn't ever be here again.

The tears started falling and they wouldn't stop. Everything she had been holding back for the last two months came spilling out.

Grief.

Anger.

Inadequacy.

Feeling drained of all her energy, Sam decided to go to bed early and hopefully feel better tomorrow and able to face the day.

**TBC....**

**Hope it met your standards. Please review. **

**MKP**


	10. Chapter 10

**First, it was brought to my attention(thanks ylana) that I reverted back to Colonel in the last couple chapters, when in fact Jack is a General in this story. Oops. I did go back and fix it, just to let you know.**

**Okay, so this chapter didn't turn out like I imagined it. I'm not sure I totally like it either, but it's what I have. I wrote the first sentence then got a brain freeze. So I sat there for a long time and finally just let my red pen do all the work. Didn't even really think about what I was writing, just... let go. Let me know if it's okay. Also, I want to let you know, that Sam will be getting a break very soon!!! **

**PART 10**

Jack walked down the hallway making his way towards Carter's lab.

He was frustrated that Carter had ignored him all weekend. Since it wasn't an emergency or even work related, he could forgive her and cut her some slack, but to ignore Cassie who was close to tears with worry and wanting to apologize for her behavior had him upset.

Rounding the corner into her lab, he paused. Carter sat behind her desk and she looked like hell. His anger disappeared. It looked like she hadn't slept at all and her puffy eyes told him she had been crying recently.

"I tried to get a hold of you this weekend." he spoke softly, announcing his presence and making her jump.

"It wasn't work related. I thought it could wait."

Jack shrugged, "You could have at least called Cass back."

"And listen to her blame me for everything? No thanks."

"Because you blame yourself enough already, right?" Sam looked down at her keyboard and Jack continued, "Maybe she just wanted to apologize. After we got to my house, I talked to her. She didn't even know what happened."

"She wouldn't talk to me or let me talk to her." Sam defended herself. She didn't need him to tell her how crappy she was at this.

"She wanted to Sam. She-"

"Don't." Sam cut him off, "Don't make excuses for her. She made her choices."

"She's 17 and emotional."

"That's a justifiable excuse." Sam replied, sarcasm dripping from her voice.

"Carter, what happened?"

"Nothing" she replied, breaking eye contact.

"Carter." he warned. "I have Cassie's version, even if I think it's edited. Now I want yours."

"Nothing really happened. It all makes since now. She didn't want to live with me and blamed me for Janet's death. Her whole attitude..." she paused, "It doesn't matter now. It's done and over with. Water under the bridge."

"I'm not making excuses for her Carter, but she just lost her mom, her second mom, she's bound to have issues, don't you think?" he asked, knowing she could relate to loosing a mother.

"I understand, believe me I do. It's just that she walked into my house hating me. I was always close to her and she came in with such an attitude and so much hatred that I was blindsided. I didn't know what to do, so I gave her space."

"Which was the wrong move." Jack replied, softly.

"What would you have me do? Sit there on the couch and cry with her?" Sam asked, getting upset.

"If that's what it took, then yes."

"That's not me!"

"Don't you get it, Carter? This isn't about you! It's about her! It's about letting that 'Carter armor' down long enough for someone to see the real you! To know how you're actually feeling besides just 'fine'." Jack said getting frustrated, himself.

"Listen, Janet was my best friend. She died. It does nothing to dwell on it since it won't bring her back."

"It's not about bringing her back. It's about mourning Carter!"

"I did! Don't you get it? Mourning is different for everyone. Fine, Cassie wanted to cry. I understand that, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't sit there one minute crying about Janet then an hour later having Cassie yelling that she hates me. I'm sorry I can't do it! So I didn't bring it up."

Jack looked deep into her eyes. "You're slowly loosing her."

Sam sadly shook her head, "I've already lost her."

He watched as she turned her back and got back to work. He stayed silent and then said one last thing before he left.

"She's going to call you tonight. The least you could do is pick up the damn phone and talk to her before you really do loose her."

Sam listened as his footsteps disappeared. Tears slowly running down her cheeks as she faced her computer and her back towards the camera so security couldn't see the tears. She took a couple deep breaths and wished that she hadn't come in today. Wished she could just run away for longer than the weekend.

**TBC....**

**Review and let me know what you think. Next chapter in the works. You'll be happy to know that Sam and Cassie finally talk!!! I'll hopefully have it posted by the weekend.**

**MKP**


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